My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
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