Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So much rum. So many feels.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
