You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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