I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
