thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
