I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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