if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
