why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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