I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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