So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
