turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
