How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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