she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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