Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
