as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
