Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
