His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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