i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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