my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
