If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
