You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
