there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
