I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
