Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
zippers are such a cool invention
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I have already put on my inside pants.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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