I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
It was confusing and full of hummus
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
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You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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