Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
