the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
She announced her abortion via fbk
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
