how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
