Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
you inspire me to be a worse person
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
