She went from zero to smokin in five shots
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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