my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
