there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
