Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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