If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
