when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize
