You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I want to be your penis for a week.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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