he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
