Tell her she can't have a vagina
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
