Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
