Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
