I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
