was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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