saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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