Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
