At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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