we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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