i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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