Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
