Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
