I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Hippo gnu deer
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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