Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
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