i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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