I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
