i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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