I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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