i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
