Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
