Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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