you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
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And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
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yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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