guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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