He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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