OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
