i just google imaged poop.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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