barbara walters just said penis...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
