I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
