just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
soo... how was my night?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
