Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
