i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
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In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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