I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
