my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
