There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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