I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
