I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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