so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
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