yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
