i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
