I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
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