Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
