I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
