It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize