Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
