so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
