so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
